Mudbutt misery.

What did I give myself for St. Paddy's Day?  No green beer induced hangover, no post-corned-beef and cabbage stupor, no.  Nothing that simple.  I had the girls over for the usual Friday night get together, and I gave myself MUDBUTT by eating too much chili dip.

In my 4 jaunts to the bathroom this morning, I wonder if my friends are joining me in my misery.  It would be comforting to know that I'm not alone, and although I don't actively wish this diarrhea (cha cha cha!) on anyone, I wouldn't be sad if they had it.

I expect my tombstone to be engraved accordingly. 

What is this trickery?

We painted the bedroom on Tuesday.  I mean, balls-out, stripped wallpaper, moved furniture, got-paint-all-over-ourselves painted.

This must seem very mundane to, well, NORMAL, people, but I have nevereverinmylife ever a) picked out paint colors, b) purchased painting supplies c) painted a room or d) been tricked by the paint sample into thinking a color was a color, only to be surprised when it dried on the walls and turned out to be SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY.

The bedroom was formerly my parent's bedroom, and in the entire time they lived there they didn't paint or remove the funky ass wallpaper that was in that room.  I can't say as I blame them (after the chaos that ensued on Tuesday) but it was ugly.  I would even venture to say that it went beyond ugly to rip-my-eyes-out-of-my-head Fugly. 

In the spirit of, well, finding some peace and being happy in my space, I thought it was high time that we did something to our bedroom to make it feel a little homier and prettier.  We picked out a light blue color for the top half, and we stripped the wallpaper off the bottom half and picked a burnt orange color (HA! that was a surprise and a half....) and we decided to leave the molding around the room to act as a room divider.

The burnt orange color turned out to be brick red.  It in no way resembled the burnt orange that I had picked out.  Not only was it a LIAR, but it turned out that I needed to paint, roughly, a bajillion coats of it on the wall so it didn't look all streaky.  Damn, people, I have trouble making my nail polish look even, so this was a challenge. 

In the end it worked out, and after coming down from the paint fumes induced high I am pleased with the results.  My hands hurt, my back aches, my shoulders are sore, and my hands are peeling from being in water all day, but I feel SO MUCH BETTER!

At least I find myself funny.

Conversation:

Bryan:  Honey, do you think you could take the zipper out of the bottom of these track pants, but still leave the zipper functional?

Me:  Why, what's wrong with them?

Bryan:  I keep stepping on them and it's annoying.

Me:  I'm a seamstress, dude, not a magician.

I'm not a knitting poser anymore!

First up, a knitted wrist cuff for Bryan.  I used the pattern in Stitch 'n Bitch Nation, only I didn't have the yarn or needle size called for in the pattern.  Oh, and also, I used glow in the dark beads.  (In case you can't tell, it's a skull, and some crossbones.)  So, it's huge, but it KICKS ASS.

 

I made one for Marissa, too, with smaller gauge cotton yarn and opalescent beads.  I spelled her name out in beads, but you can't really tell in the pictures.

And the bestest thing of all?  I found this pattern online (it was free, but I can't remember where I found it otherwise I'd link to it.  *Found it!*) for a cap sleeve tee for Phoebe.  I went out and bought the yarn for it, and it was on sale for $3 a skein.  BUT.  It rang up at $1.20 per skein, and the shirt only took one skein of yarn, so it was the cheapest knit thing in the history of the WORLD!  (Don't make me qualify that statement, just go with it.)

I'm still working on the precious little baby cardi.  My progress was great, until I got about halfway done with the last sleeve.  For some reason it really hurts my hand to hold that teeny tiny needle, so it's been slow going, but I really want to finish it soon because, well, it's adorable, and I'm sooooooooooo close to being done.

That reminds me.  I was going to do some color work in Phoebe's shirt (I wanted to put a star on the front and call it her Star Bellied Sneetch shirt) but I can't figure out intarsia to save my life.  So, now, do you use a separate length of yarn for each row?  How do you do it so that there aren't holes in your work?  Do you have to carry the contrasting color all the way through each row?  Any of you knitters out there that can help me?  I thought about duplicate stitch, but I suck at it, so that's out.

What else?  I need to vacuum again.  And I bought a new pair of jeans that make my ass look fabulous.  And Phoebe has been using the potty every single day, and has had no more accidents, but she's so tiny that they don't have big girl underwear in her size, so she runs around naked most of the time.  And my dad is thinking about keeping our house for another year, which means we won't have to move, at least, not yet.  Oh, and we went miniature golfing the other day, and Marissa had a blast.  Phoebe, on the other hand, was being a pill.

I'm such a jerk, because this picture makes me CRACK UP.  Do I get an award for being the assiest mom ever?  Because I'd SO put that on my mantle.

Babycakes.