Take THAT, bitches!

So, going with the theory (well, fact, really) that Dell Corp. is a satanic cult that kills innocent animals for ritualistic sacrifice, maims the elderly, and snatches candy from children, it would follow that the only way to get ink cartridges for my printer is through Dell.

None of this walking into a store and finding some generic cartridge that "will fit printers XYZ-SOB", of course, because Dell (turning the corporation into a singular entity) is a beyotch.  They  want you to order all your ink strictly through Dell, and  want to charge whatever they want.  The price, to be honest, really isn't the point for me, it's the fact that I *have* to order it through Dell, and I *have* to order it online........ and I don't WANNA.

I've been playing the ink game with Dell for awhile now, and I finally got a wild donkey hair up my butt and decided to march down to the store, ink cartridge in hand, and circumvent the greasy behemoth.  And guess what?  I found a Lexmark cartridge that worked!  BOOYAH!  It was with no small amount of satisfaction that I printed out the test page on the printer, and (very carefully) did the victory-dance-of-glee, all the while telling Dell exactly what they could do with their ink cartridges.

While I was in the middle of my victory dance, my mother happened to call me.  We got to talking about Thanksgiving dinner, and I asked what her plans were, and if she and my dad were coming to our house to have dinner.  She told me that she was going to go to a grocery store and buy a cooked turkey/ham/chicken/whatever, and bring it over to my house.  I told her that I was going to be making turkey, so that would be pretty redundant of her, and she insisted that I would be in labor or delivering the baby, and therefore unable to cook (that woman SERIOUSLY underestimates me, don'tcha think?). 

Still being on a high from the ink cartridge victory, and being cocky, I told her that a) there was no way in hell she was buying a turkey, b) I'm going to cook a damn turkey come hell, high water, or baby, and c) that if she hasn't by now figured out what a stubborn shit I am then she needed her head checked.  She cackled (never a good sign), and somehow I ended up making a wager with my mom and dad about when the baby is going to be born.  The details are a little fuzzy, but I know it has something to do with whether or not I'm physically capable of cooking the turkey to completion.  I think it goes that if I'm able to cook the turkey, I win, and they pay for dinner.  If I can't cook the turkey, I lose, pay for the turkey, and mom goes and buys some awful overcooked grocery store bird.

I'm not saying I'm not going to have the child on Thanksgiving, and I'm not saying that I'll even be home to eat Thanksgiving dinner.  All I know is that I'm going to win this bet, dammit, even if that means delivering one turkey in the kitchen while I'm pulling the other turkey out of the oven.  MARK MY WORDS.

Comments

[Elaine]

I think the lesson here is obvious: Don't mess with Daph, she'll kick your ass. Seriously. BACK AWAY FORM THAT BIRD (and I'm not talking about the one you're cooking for Thanksgiving.)

[Karen Rani]

Ha ha ha Elaine....good one.

I can totally imagine you waving the turkey baster like a light saber. May the force be with you! (And may you be right, which is WAY more important than anything.)

[Nicole]

This birth story is going to ROCK.

[Vanessa]

You know, we have all these interconnected blogs, recipe sites, etc., so why don't we start a betting pool on Daph's delivery date and time????? I'm willing to put up 10 bucks for it. Anyone else?

[Candice]

Just remember which one you're serving up for supper! And if you're really unlucky, maybe it'll be you on that table delivering a show! Haha! The things we do to avoid bad cooking....

[Angela Lugo]

I thought for sure you were going to have that kid by Monday. I already lost my bet. ;)