How I spent my Sunday afternoon

Alternately title, "Tissue paper, I hate you."

Traced the Fair Weather jacket pattern for Phoebe and Charlie.  I had to trace each piece (11 total) twice, in two different sizes.  And then cut them out.  My very least favorite part of sewing, especially because I have to do it all again, this time, on the actual fabric.  Feel sorry for me?

Oh, my mouth.

Over a week ago I went to the dentist to have some work done.  I actually need a lot of work done, but I have to pay for it out of pocket, so we're doing bits at a time. 

The bit last week was very expensive, and very hurty.  It still hurts to chew solid food on the left side of my face.  I wasn't in pain before I had work done, but am now.  What's up with that?  What's doing to happen when I have the right side done?  Maybe I should invest in a really good food processor, and some straws.

I suppose I should be grateful that I had the $800 bucks to plunk down for it, and that it wasn't worse, and that the dentist was really nice, and that it wasn't worse (it could've been worse) but damn.  I just want to be able to eat a piece of pizza without looking like a chipmunk.  And I am so freakin' paranoid about losing a filling.  Do you know how much those things cost?

But, it could be worse I guess.

I'm going to be so tired.

I totally can't sleep, and this has been a problem for the past few nights. I lie awake thinking about Phoebe's school, house repairs, high fructose corn syrup (evil!), and what color my hair would be if I stopped dyeing it.

You know, normal stuff.

Phoebe's school freaks me out a lot, because I'm not putting her in public school here, and I have yet to get off of my ass and decide what we're going to do about homeschooling. That, in turn, brings up issues with us living here, and how there are absolutely no resources for the type of lifestyle we want to lead. Which, makes me think about all the things I want to do, that we just a) don't have the time for, b) don't have the space for, or c) don't have the money for, and how we should move.

By the time I've run through the list in my head, and re-thought everything six or eight thousand times, the sky is getting lighter, and the birds start chirping, and then it's over. Big fat suck, no sleep for me. Maybe I should just order a homeschooling book, and call it a night.

Maybe it's a sign.

Of course, right after I write a post about how great kids are, how I want another one, and how it would be really great, the universe sees fit to remind me that while kids can be great, they can also be REALLY TERRIBLE.

The girls were outside playing while I was working, and Bryan was mowing the lawn. After they've been playing out there for some time, Bryan comes into where I'm working to deliver The News. The News being that Phoebe was throwing rocks in the air (not to be confused with throwing rocks at a specific person or object) and one of them may have collided with the windshield of the neighbor's car, resulting in a crack. He hastens to explain that the rocks were being thrown IN THE AIR, not AT the car, but it makes no difference.

I turn purple, and can't decide whether to cry, or yell.

So Phoebe was in tears, Marissa was trying to hide, I was livid, and Bryan was slowly stepping back from me, the volcano that was about to erupt all over his ass. After I vented my anger and frustration even Charlie was apologizing, so I figure they got the message.

When the neighbors came home Bryan and Phoebe took off to confess, and it turned out that the windshield has been broken since October. Good times. At least Phoebe has learned not to ever throw a rock, ever, ever, ever, ever again. Fine.

A little while later (not long enough for anyone to have recovered from the windshield event) Charlie runs out in the middle of the street, in front of a van, hurtling down the road. Bryan had to yell at the top of his lungs to get her to stop (he never yells, so it was enough to stop her in her tracks) and disaster was narrowly averted.

So, no more rocks, no more crossing the street. Hell, no more walking. If you need us, we'll be sitting on our hands on the couch, not touching anything. Ever. Again.

Oh, family.

I had another crazy dream, this time, I was buying a ton of food for Thanksgiving (two turkeys!) and took it all back to someone's house and tried to put it all in the fridge. The problem was that the fridge owner had bowls on every shelf with houseplants in them, I think they were all african violets (I wonder if that's significant?). Anyway, I re-arranged the plants to try and make room, but right before I woke up I had pretty much determined that it wasn't going to work out.

Part of that dream stems from my family relationships lately. I've cut some people out (my mother, my mom's stepdad), and others have cut themselves out (my grandfather), and I think it's really getting to me. Not for my sake, but for the kids' sake. I guess I don't understand people, and the more they act like buttheads the more pissed it makes me. I don't expect much, but for the kids' sake I wish that adults could sometimes be a little more grown up.

Thank god for my friends, and for the fact that we've made our own family, small as it may be. I know that no matter what, I won't become the type of parent or grandparent that would be so selfish as to neglect my family. Whatever happens in the kids' lives, Bryan and I will be there for them, and we'll share their lives with them, because THAT'S what family does.