Static

stat·ic (stāt'ĭk) adj.
1. a. Having no motion; being at rest; quiescent.
    b. Fixed; stationary.
2. Physics Of or relating to bodies at rest or forces that balance each other.
3. Electricity Of, relating to, or producing stationary charges; electrostatic.
4. Of, relating to, or produced by random radio noise. 

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You'll have to excuse me, I'm not done peeing myself with glee just yet.

I ROCKED that bizzle.

I was going to write this post about how much Phoebe hates the jacket that I made her, but screw that.  I'm effing proud of it, so I'll make the post about me and my awesome sewing skillz.

So, yeah.  I made Phoebe a jacket.  Lined.  With elastic in the sleeves and in the waist.  With a zipper.  And a hood.  And I followed ALL the directions, and ripped out my stitches when I screwed up, and made everything look nice.   And I had to hand stitch (BY HAND!) the inside seam of the sleeve closed after I inserted the elastic.

I GRACIOUSLY used my white flower PRR cord that I've been hoarding, and used my beautiful purple print flannel for the lining.  I AM SO NICE.  I mean, I let Phoebe go through my fabric and pick whatever she wanted.  MAN.  I AM JUST THE NICEST PERSON.

 I don't mind saying that the pattern -- that taunted me with its "Oh, I only have 3 pieces!  How hard can I be?" turned out to be a huge pain in my ass.  Huge.  Nothing lined up properly, and I KNOW it wasn't me.  And, the instructions kind of sucked.  But since I've made one now, I know the pattern's faults, and I don't think the next one (HA!  listen to me!  I'm such an optimist!) will take so long.

Another project crossed off my list.  Now?  I'm going to go be a lump for the rest of the day.  I'm wiped out.  Being nice is a lot of damn work. 

Okay, WHAT?

Marissa is in the Girls Scouts.  Wahoo.  The only activity in which Marissa has actively partcipated thus far has been to bilk me out of my hard-earned dollah dollah bills.  Not cool.

So we got this little notice the other day (she brought it home from school) to inform us that they're actually having an ACTIVITY.  Where they're actually going to DO SOMETHING.

I was not surprised when they said there was a fee.

BUT.  The "activity" is evidently drinking tea and acting like a princess.

Um, excuse me.  EXCUSE ME.  SHE CAN DO THAT AT HOME, FOR EFFING FREE.

And what the frick kind of an "activity" is that?  When I was in Girl Scouts (oh yeah, here it comes, bitches) I remember doing all sorts of awesome, manly things.  Like stitching MAGAZINES up into old vinyl tablecloths to make bitchin' SIT-UPONS so our hairy asses didn't get all soaked through while we were out in the WILDERNESS building CAMPFIRES and smashing BEER CANS ON OUR HEADS. 

And we had bridging ceremonies where we ATE GOATS AND HUNTED BOAR.  And did I mention the CAMPING?  Outside, in the rain, on the GROUND?

And we sang SONGS TO OLD PEOPLE.

And made stuff out of trash.  WE TOUCHED GARBAGE.  ON PURPOSE.  TO EARN A BADGE.

I have yet to meet the troop leader, but I have a feeling she's the type to use lots of gel in her hair, and I bet she coordinates her Keds to match her shirt.  I can't WAIT to drink tea and be a princess.  IT'S GOING TO BE SO AWESOME. 

Definitely not energy efficient.

I got my electric bill for the past two months.  It's SO SUPER COOL that they bill me two months at a time.  I SO LOVE IT.  Except, it sucks, and I hate it.

Everything in this house is electric.  EV. RY. THING.  Me?  Yes, I'm electric too.  Washing machine, dryer (do you KNOW how much effing electricity it takes to dry clothes?  Like, a million.  Yes, a million.)  stove/oven, heaters, everything.

So, my electric bill was about $750 for two months.  While that's not too incredibly disgusting (consider my $1600 bill from Southern California Edison -- during the summer months when I NEVER ran the air conditioner -- for one month of electricity) it's still pretty damn bad.

Right now, though, there's nothing I can do about it.  It's the dead of winter, so that means no way no how is any construction going on in this place.  No installing a wood-burning or pellet-burning stove.  No installing a gas stove to heat the living room.  No adding a propane tank or running gas lines.

No, we just have to suffer through until spring.  Except I want to rip my hair out in frustration.  How in the hell am I supposed to conserve energy in a place like this?  Why is the house even set up like this?  Why were the people who built this place SO DAMN WEIRD?