Okay, WHAT?

Marissa is in the Girls Scouts.  Wahoo.  The only activity in which Marissa has actively partcipated thus far has been to bilk me out of my hard-earned dollah dollah bills.  Not cool.

So we got this little notice the other day (she brought it home from school) to inform us that they're actually having an ACTIVITY.  Where they're actually going to DO SOMETHING.

I was not surprised when they said there was a fee.

BUT.  The "activity" is evidently drinking tea and acting like a princess.

Um, excuse me.  EXCUSE ME.  SHE CAN DO THAT AT HOME, FOR EFFING FREE.

And what the frick kind of an "activity" is that?  When I was in Girl Scouts (oh yeah, here it comes, bitches) I remember doing all sorts of awesome, manly things.  Like stitching MAGAZINES up into old vinyl tablecloths to make bitchin' SIT-UPONS so our hairy asses didn't get all soaked through while we were out in the WILDERNESS building CAMPFIRES and smashing BEER CANS ON OUR HEADS. 

And we had bridging ceremonies where we ATE GOATS AND HUNTED BOAR.  And did I mention the CAMPING?  Outside, in the rain, on the GROUND?

And we sang SONGS TO OLD PEOPLE.

And made stuff out of trash.  WE TOUCHED GARBAGE.  ON PURPOSE.  TO EARN A BADGE.

I have yet to meet the troop leader, but I have a feeling she's the type to use lots of gel in her hair, and I bet she coordinates her Keds to match her shirt.  I can't WAIT to drink tea and be a princess.  IT'S GOING TO BE SO AWESOME. 

Comments

[Sarah]

I like coming here. I learn new words.

When I was a Brownie I didn't answer all the questions right on my Road Safety badge. To the question "what do you do if someone you don't know pulls up beside you and asks you the way somewhere?", apparently the correct answer for a young child to give is not "tell them". It's "run away and hide because that person is a Big Bad Stranger who will eat you. Whole."

That's "whoLe", not "whore". Just so we're clear.

[Elaine]

All I remember is the fort of cookies we built in my living room and the one time we were making fruit salad in the school cafeteria when one of the girls cut her finger so badly she severed tendons. THAT'S GIRL SCOUTS, BITCHES!

You do know that they're kinda religious and shit, right?

[Carrie]

Isn't West Virginia where you're supposed to like, learn about the OUTDOORS, or, I don't know...kill your own food? But a TEA PARTY? Yeah, that's just lame.

[C.Flicken]

A tea party? It sounds great, in theory, and I guess it could be useful for reinforcing good table manners or something, but yeah, I thought Girl Scouts was about being resourceful and crafty and outdoorsy. Tea parties do not incorporate any of those things. Unless they have it outside?

[krystyn]

I don't know how I missed this but I'm dying laughing over it. "Oh yeah, here it comes, bitches!" You crack me up.

My parents were too broke to spring for the badges let alone tea parties, what the heck? And isn't that why you sell cookies? What does that pay for?

Girl Scouts sounds like a scam. We should start our own troop and call it GRRRL Scounts. And we'll beat up all those tea-drinkin' sissies. Oi!