I suck.
Jul 16, 2007 So, I'm sitting on the porch, talking on the phone to Marissa's godmother (which is cool, because she doesn't care that I have a potty mouth, so it's pretty much me just grunting words like "shit" and "bitch" interspersed with "totally" and "uh-huh") when I see someone out of the corner of my eye.
Whoever this person is, is walking up the street, carrying a plastic bag, and he's shirtless. Now, there are a lot of men that walk around here shirtless, which is fine -- but scary. I just try not to make eye contact.
So, there I sit, trying to (kind of) watch my language, and trying not to look directly at whoever is walking up the street. Because I'm sitting on the porch by myself. And shirtless men with plastic bags are skeery. And also, I was saying lots and lots of bad words, so maybe he's got a bag full of Jesus and he wants to smite me with it.
Of course, this person walks right up to the front of the porch, and stops. I take my cue, and put the phone down, and just look at him, not really sure what to say, or whether or not to duck. He looks familiar -- I'm thinking that he might be our neighbor down the street, in which case that makes him FAR less scary. But, you know how white people are -- they all look the same.
He proceeds to ask me if I like squash and zucchini. I say that yes, I do. Then he asks me if I like cucumber. Again, I say that I do. So then, he hands me the bag -- not full of vengeance, in case you're wondering. No, it's full of vegetables. Fresh ones, that he must've just picked. So now, I feel like the WORST. PERSON. EVER.
Here I was, trying to avoid him, and he was just trying to be friendly.
I told Bryan that I want to make some cookies or something to say thanks (and to assuage my guilt) but what if he's not the guy? What if it was some other random white dude? How will I know without making myself the biggest jerkface EVER?
You thought my neighborhood niche was cats? No. I get to be the resident asshat. Every street needs one.
P.S. If you know a good zucchini bread recipe, would you mind sharing?
Reader Comments (5)
D'ya know what I'm missing in my life?
A bag full of Jesus.
Here's a link to a recipe I use :)
http://www.mooshoopork.net/?p=191#more-191
I'm guessing a zucchini will make *lots* of cookies (or were you thinking regular cookies?), and I'm sure no one, whether they gave you veggies or not, will turn down free cookies. So you can keep handing them out a dozen at a time until you get the right guy. ;)
I gave them zucchini bread instead, and they seemed to like it, so I feel much better. Maybe there's hope for me, after all?
Nope, I don't think there's any hope for you, since you didn't get that bag full of Jesus.
Har har!! I'm so dorky.