Please tell me this will end!

First of all, Bryan and I had a grand old fight the other night (*was it last night?... I can't remember*) about my "secret" blog.  He doesn't want me posting about our personal business on my site.  I guess you could say we don't see eye-to-eye on this issue.

I have maybe ONE friend that I can confide to about all this stuff that goes on, and you know what?  She has a life of her own.  She can't always drop what she's doing to take a 30-minute bitch-fest hysterical phone call from me.  That's ridiculous.  Not to mention that it helps me sort through my feelings when I blog about what's going on, and that's supposed to be, like, good for my mental health, 'n shit like that. 

Anyway, I ended up crying about the whole damn thing, and I told him that I wouldn't be sharing my blog location with him.

So.  Then.  My parents came over here the other night, and my dad informed me, basically, that he wants to sell the house.  In which I currently live.  With my 2 and 1/2 kids.  And all my shit.  The house that I'm renting from him because I can't effing afford to live anywhere else.  Yeah, that house.  Well, this house.  Right now, my credit is SHIT, and Bryan's is worse, and he doesn't make 3x the rent of a cardboard box, and I don't know how to grow a money tree to help us out with a security deposit.  *sigh*  The last place we rented was a 2 bedroom 2 bath in the next town over, and it was fairly big, and I liked it.  The rent was $725.  Guess how much that same exact apartment goes for now?  Over $900.  So we're making less than we did before, and we have to move into an apartment that costs more than it did before.  I mean, I'm not good at math, but even I know that the math doesn't add up.

I knew this would happen, but I figured I had awhile to get my shit together.  We're on the waiting list for subsidized housing, but that can take up to 18 months.  I guess we're going to have to move out to the boonies or something in order to find someplace that we can actually afford.  Or something.

And.  (oh, no, I'm NOT done yet...)  Bryan lost his job.  AGAIN.  *sigh*  I haven't even caught up on all our bills yet, not even close, and he lost this cake freakin' job.  I owe my mom and dad money, and they are hounding me like crazy to pay them back.  I totally hate owing people money, and I want to pay them back ASAP, but I don't want to tell them that Bryan's unemployed again.  Hell, I don't want to tell anyone that he's out of work again, because I'm soooooooooooo freakin' tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiired of being broooooooooooke and being the poor white trash that everyone feels sorry for.

Tomorrow I'm going to take a look at the roof of the house, because I swear to GOD there must be a big bulls-eye painted up there, somewhere, to help the gods/powers that be aim when they take a big, fat, hairy DUMP on us. 

Comments

[Rachael]

Sending you hugs!

[Kristen]

Talk about getting kicked while you're down.On my drive into work today, I saw a youngish woman (20's) on the side of the turnpike, hysterical. I guess there was an accident and her SUV was flipped on it's side. It was all smashed up and the airbag was deployed. As I thought about it, my first thought was "I would never have the money to get my car fixed if it got fucked up like that." Not "That poor girl, she must be terrified." It's all about money. Esp. for those of us who don't have much.Anyway, sorry you're getting crapped on. Hope things look up soon.

[Andrea]

*hugs*

[Charmaine]

It can feel really overwhelming when it all happens at the same time, I bet. But I'm glad you at least feel like you can vent to all of us who will always be here to read -- you gotta do whatever it takes! I'll be sending good energy your way.

[beautifulmess]

when it rains, it pours, doesn't it? i'm so sorry that you're going through all this (& you can't even have a good stiff drink to calm your nerves, to boot). it WILL get better - i promise.

[mamaloo]

I wish I could offer you solid, practical information. You apparently NEED the secret blog in a big way!

[Candice]

Wow. I am sorry you are going through all that. Does it help you to tell you I know exactly what you are going through? I lost my job just as Nick got into paramedic school. And we (the kids and I ) moved six hours away from my hubby to live with my mom, and sometimes his parents, and await the day he finishes school. So let's see, my mom lives in a TRAILER...and oh yeah, I could go stay with his parents, but having us there "makes them crazy" and I don't really feel like another lecture on parenting, or my kids "problems", blah blah blah. You know the thing I have realized after all this? As long as I have my family I don't care about much else. You know...we could go in on a card board box together...something real fancy like a two story refrigerator box. Huh? huh?BTW I got my sling yesterday. YEAH I love it!! Cole just parked his little heiney in there like "yeah this is my new ride."Thanks again.And hang in there.

[Jean]

Oh man, that is just so bad. I don't have any advice, other than lots of sympathy. I swear, if I had any money whatsoever, I would send it to you. but unfortunately, I am the only one supporting my family and we have debt too. I am sure that something will work out. Your dad may not sell the house yet. Try to talk to him. (((HUGS)))

[kj]

F-word with a capital F. I have no advice, I wouldn't know what to do if that happened to me. I have no family here. I think we could move about an hour away to be with Coffeeboy's mom as a temporary arrangement, but I don't know how long that would last.

Is it possible to move out of California? I dunno your sitch with Marissa's dad, but if you could, West Florida is VERY affordable. I bought my house from a couple that rented it to me first, they are very sweet churchgoing people and helped me out when I first divorced. And there are a lot of jobs on Monster over here, and a lot of employment agencies.

I dunno, sure 99.9% of this is because I would totally love to live near you... but I also hate to read you only have one friend to vent to right now, wouldn't it be cool if you could just walk over to my place? Eenyway. You have my phone number right? I am sans kids every Monday-Thursday and get home from work around 7pm (is that 4pm your time?) I have unlimited nights on my phone, long distance included, and could call you back for free. And just listen if that's all ya need.

((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))

[kj]

p.s. I told Coffeeboy about my blog yesterday. I figure if he loves me and married me, he gets the good and the bad. He writes/says/does things that piss me off too, it's part of the package, ya know?

[pretendingsanity]

daph, maybe it would help if you guys moved out of california? It's so expensive there. there are places, like in texas, that are SO much cheaper for housing and jobs are good there too. Housing is cheaper here, but jobs aren't that great. (and now I see that kj wrote the same thing)

I certainly don't think of you as poor white trash and I don't feel sorry for you. I care for you and I want to see you do well. What I'm trying to say is I don't look down on you. Sometimes we all (and I've def. been there) go through this kinda crap. It doesn't change the person you are just because there isn't much in your bank account. I want to help you if I can, but not because I pity you, but because I care. email me if there is anything I can do.

[HippieChick]

COMMUNITY! We ao have to figure that crap out. If our remodel was done we'd have the room for you and the girls, but alas, we simplt have a big dirty hole in our backyard and that is wrong on so many levels. Friends just moved to Ashland, OR and have found it to be quite economical. Maybe that wouldn't put you too far from M's dad? I'd be pissed, but hey... it's not about me (just this ONCE, don't be getting any ideas).

[HippieChick]

PS It's so hot my brain is melting... forgive typos.



AND big fat hug to you, my dear. We'll come up on Saturday and get you pretend drunk.

[Helen]

Oy. First of all, so super glad you got yourself your "secret" new site. I think blogging can be so healthy and so good for us all, to have a safe place for us to express ourselves, get support, hear objective thoughts.

Now, on the whole broke/poor conversation... have you thought about welfare, food stamps, etc. DO NOT be ye ashamed of such things. Back in the early 70's my mom used both to keep us alive (single ma with 2 kids). She ended up getting gov't support as well to get her degree and now she's living in Baghdad making $200k. Well, that's all good news except the Baghdad part!!! Anyway, what I'm saying is, if you haven't yet, do not be afraid of getting financial support. That's what you pay taxes for!

Sending you love...

[Di]

Dude this really sucks. And I won't pretend like it doesn't. Until recently my husband and I were having some hard times in the financial department and the shit is rough. I honestly don't know what I would have done if he hadn't landed his current new job. But, as my lame attempt at advice, just hang in there. I know how hard it is.

[rubyjade]

I wish I could just tell you to come live with me. And, yes, you can call anytime for a bitchfest. Don't you dare think for a second I don't have anything better to do! Lol!! I'm sorry I wasn't here this week. I'm calling you tomorrow.

[Laurie]

Man, I am sorry to hear about this. I wish I had some great advice for you - but I don't! I know this sucks - but I am glad you are going forward with your blog. You have a whole community of friends out here that are there for you. If the hubby is iff-y on the posting of personal stuff, you could always email someone. Thus, keeping off your main site.

When I started my blog I told the hubby, I plan to write what makes me happy not anyone else. And if that means I vent about him on there to feel better than I am going to do it.

Ahh! I am crap at advice. Keep plugging along - it has got to get better. During hard stressful times I always think - this too shall pass.

Best advice on here so far - talk to dad about selling. See if he is willing to wait 6 months. Not a long time, but hopefully long enough for the hubby to get a new job and you to feel more ready about moving if you have to.

((((hugs))))

[mojavi]

I am worried that your name is so similar to your other blog they could find it if they tried..... Also I am sooooo sorry your having all this bad luck....

Even sucks more that your DAD is selling the house he is renting you.....

[Julie]

I am so sad to hear about your troubles. It seems like everything rains down at once. I am with you girl - I am currently living with my parents with my 3 kids because my husband and I split up. And he such a weenie that he won't help me with anything! I was renting a nice house but I can't afford it on my own and I don't have the money saved up to get another place right now and my credit sucks big time too soooooo. . . in with the 'rents we are. I totally hate it cuz my mom drives me nuts - shes always on my case about something and I totally hate my soon-to-be x husband for putting us in this position. *sigh* I was depressed for your situation and now I'm depressed for mine and yours.Anyway ((hugs)) and here's hoping things get better.

[elizabeth]

big huge hugs girl!!!! i am so sorry that all this shit is happening at one time. i agree with everyone else? can you move? you can come to the gulfcoast of mississippi! you can be my friend and call/come over when ever ya want for a good ol fashioned bitch fest.

i wish ya all the best. believe me i have cried many a tears over money, i hate money!!!

if you ever, and i do mean ever, need anyone to talk to, you know how to get in touch with me. and i'm with allison (pretending sanity) i do not feel sorry for you and i would never think of you as white trash.

more hugs sweetie!