Diagnosis.

I saw the new doc yesterday.  She was very very nice, too, I might add.  It was kind of a strange exam because when she was investigating my junk she kept telling me to cough.  Like, 17 times.  Weird.

Anyway, when she was done she told me that yes, my uterus is prolapsed, and that she wanted to refer me to a surgeon.  I told her that I had the name and number of a specialist that I would like to see, instead of a surgeon, and she had no problems referring me to the specialist, instead.  See?  She WAS very nice.  I think I'll keep her.

We got into the car, and started the drive home, and I started crying.  It was kind of a release.  I'd been keeping all these thoughts and feelings inside, because I just didn't know for sure one way or another. 

I talked to my mom last night, and she tried telling me that everything would be okay, and that it wouldn't be *such* a bad thing if they gave me a  hysterectomy.  She told me that I have 3 healthy kids, and that I should be thankful, and *she* had a tubal ligation, and it just makes things so much easier.  I almost threw up when she said that.

Is that how people think?  That having a hysterectomy at 27 is the same thing as having a tubal ligation at 43?  That having the choice of having more kids taken away from me is the same thing as making a conscious decision not to have more kids?  That since I already have kids I shouldn't be concerned about my future reproductive health?

Bryan made me feel better by telling me how smart we were for being proactive, and having the information ready to see the urogynecologist.  The doctor I saw yesterday obviously didn't know what to say to me, and that's fine.  I probably know more about the condition than she does.  I didn't go there for treatment, I went there for a diagnosis, and that's what I got, but I think a small part of me was hoping that I was full of shit, and she'd conclude the exam by saying, "Well I don't know what you thought, but you turned out to be just fine!"

Wishful thinking, I suppose, but this one time I wouldn't have minded being wrong.

Comments

[Carol]

I'm sorry that the doctor confirmed your fears - I know you were hoping that you were wrong. But please try not to focus on the worst-case scenario. I just did a bit of reading on treatments for prolapsed uterus' and a hysterectomy is not the only available option. It sounds like they've got lots of treatments for this condition.

Hang in there!

And P.S. My mom is a good mom but she often tells me "3 children is ENOUGH!" Not that I'm going to have any more but if I were, she'd totally be against it. I know this isn't comparable to what your mom said to you - I'm just sayin' that sometimes our mom's say inconsiderate things with the best of intentions :)

[Daph]

Thank you, Carol. I know you're right, and reading your comment made me feel better. My mom kind of made be feel guilty with the whole, "You have 3 healthy kids" thing, and that sucked! LOL

[Teri]

Sorry to hear it, sweetie. Big hug. Try to think only about the best case scenario and put the worst out of your mind.

[Elaine]

Girl, get the whole "hysterectomy" thing off your mind RIGHTTHISVERYSECOND. That is a last resort and one you're not likely to have to go to. I know how the mind always drifts to the worst, but just tell it to shut it. M'kay? M'kay.

Now: big fat hug from your friend who misses you and wants to come visit SOON!

[Andrea]

*hugs*

[Candice]

Whatever the outcome, you are a strong woman and I know you will be just fine! Hang in there!

[sarahgrace]

I know how you feel-wishing you were wrong about your own self diagnosis. Well, I don't know if this will help at all, but it keeps standing out in my mind: and I don't know if this will be ofensive either, so if it is, please just ignore me, that is the last thing I want to do, but here goes: there is a verse in the Bible that says: Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.I don't know if that is useful in the least, but maybe there is just a smidgen of something in there that will be a little encouraging. Hang in there!

[KB]

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this*HUGS* Daph

[Charmaine]

I think Elaine is right. Let a hysterectomy be your last option. Know that surgeons (even if your doc was a gyno) think that cutting is the safest, if not easiest option. But that's because that's what they do. You're young. Your body is resilient. See what else is out there. Trust the feeling that you know you might want more children -- or at least your reproductive organs for a few more decades. Hang in there. You're a strong mama. Hugs!

[bonnie]

(((hugs)))

[mama frog]

you seem to be very well informed, strong kind of gal. just stick with your gut and what all your research tells you to do. you'll make the right decision for YOU. some people (sadly, our moms included) will make us feel like crap about any situation and or decision. i'm 27, too, and i have one 4 year old. everybody tells me it's getting to be too late for us to have another. you know what? every family is different. that's what makes life interesting. if you want more, you want more. even if you don't, having any option taken away is difficult. and those parts are supposed to be there, even after menopause and all. you'll do what's right for you and your family. don't be afraid!

[beautifulmess]

i'm so sorry, but i just KNOW that everything is going to be okay & that you're going to get through this whole ordeal without having a hysterectomy & be able to have five gazillion kids, if that's what you want. and if you ever doubt that, just call up elaine for some confirmation. hang in there, chickadee.

[Krystyn]

Oh honey, I am so sad to read this. Maybe it's wishful thinking, but I feel deep down in my heart that you are going to kick this problem in the ass. I'm with Elaine -- you write "hysterectomy" on a piece of paper and tear it up into tiny little pieces. And then stomp on it.

I really believe that with issues of health, a strong will and a positive outlook are two of the most important things when facing issues like these. And I don't just say that because I'm trying to blow sunshine up your ass, I say that from my own experiences and those close to me. I think the fact that you found a specialist before being referred to a surgeon demonstrates how in control you are -- and will be. So many people would have been quick to go with a doctor's recommendation out of fear and worry. (Myself included!)

There are so many people out there who don't deserve the children they have -- you are such a beautiful person that you deserve so many more. And they deserve a momma as awesome as you. If there is a Uterus Goddess, I am praying to her right now!

[Vanessa]

I'm so sorry to read this and know that you are so upset. Hysterectomies are the "cure-all" for a lot of doctors, but don't accept that until you've exhausted all other remedies. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you and sending hugs your way.

[Mama C-ta]

Hugs woman. I'm so happy to hear how informed you are and not going into this blindly. And it sounds like you have great support of others that can keep things in perspective and provide even more info.

Yes you should be thankful you have 3 healthy kids and I know you are. That does NOT mean you should be content w/possibly having the option to reproduce away from you. Mothers.

[Mrs. Flinger]

Oh, lordy. I think you said it.. it's not comparing your 27 year old body to a 43 year old who made a choice.

I think choice is the key word here.

Sorry, hon. I'm glad you can see a specialist first, though. :-)

[Crazy Lady]

I found you thru Troll Baby, and I will be back; I enjoyed your blog.

My mom (53)just had her pro-lapsed uterus removed by hysterectomy. I know that you are no where near that age, and she has been done having kids for 24 years now(and I am not giving you that "It'll be ok" speach) but I wanted to let you know that the surgery, should it be something you have, was very easy. She only has 2 tiny weenie incisions on her stomach - so small they are taped shut - no stitches! As far as pain goes (and she is a pansy when it comes to pain) she said it feels like she did 200 sit ups, not the pain she was expecting at all. I hope that helps somewhat.